A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
