wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
