maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
