This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
