it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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