I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
