i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
