Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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