so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
