hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Let's paint friendship bongs
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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