I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
