last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
