at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Farmville is her only friend.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
