i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
