i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
