Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
