Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
