good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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