I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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