I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
