It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
