I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
