its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
