Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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