Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
