____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
