I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
