Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
