How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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