Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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