i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
