Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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