I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
