I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
