Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
only you would photoshop your dick
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
