your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
