Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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