i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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