I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
