That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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