I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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