"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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