Kiss
Puke
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
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Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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