You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
its liver damage thursday
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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