After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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