Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
