She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
