absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
