Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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