Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize