She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
