I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
