Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
