Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
