Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
