i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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